Navigating pregnancy after a relationship has ended can be tricky, but many people seem to make it work.
One woman thought she was going to have a tough time when she found out she was expecting after dating a man for three months.
She claims they’d called it quits and he’d already gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend when she discovered she was pregnant with twins.
Initially, she didn’t think he’d want much to do with the babies, but he was “ecstatic” as his partner has previously been told she’d never be able to get pregnant naturally and he’d always wanted to be a dad.
This all seemed fine – until the girlfriend started acting as if the children were hers and the mum-to-be was nothing more than a surrogate.
The unnamed woman, 29, explained all in a post on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, where she asked fellow users for some advice on the situation.
She wrote: “I dated a guy Joe (30M) for three months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father.
“Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend.
“Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment because of COVID-19 and we found out I was having twins. According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility and wanted to talk to me. I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother. She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kids to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy.
“I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.”
Things continued to get worse as Kim started texting her every day about her eating habits, exercise and moaning that her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave as she wasn’t the one who was pregnant.
“At the virtual genetics counselling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant.
“When it came time for my 20-week level two scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party.
“I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins ‘the non-traditional way’ and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut.
“Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower. I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born.”
She added: “I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner.
“He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an a**hole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap? So AITA?”
More than 3,000 people responded to the woman’s Reddit post, with many horrified by Kim’s behaviour and encouraging the mum-to-be to seek legal help immediately.
One person said: “I’m not being dramatic in any way when I say this get a lawyer now . Keep records of everything, and whatever you do, do not allow yourself to be alone with Kim. Almost none of Kim’s behavior is ok, it’s in fact disturbing. Block phone numbers, file a police report for harassment if you have to. Keep yourself and your children safe.”
Another commented: “Kim’s mother suggesting they split the twins between parents?!?!? WTHF.”
A third added: “OP was right when she said she wasn’t being treated as a mother, but the surrogate. I would go so far as to say the twins are seen as objects as well. OP needs to lawyer up and play hardball about custody. Kim’s not going to get better here, she has people enabling her behaviour.”